Hand-Holding Commuters

There is a time and a place for holding hands – and it is not at 8.30 in the morning when the rest of the population is trying to get to work.

These hand-holders, these couples who – without a thought to the hundreds of people obviously in a rush – stroll slowly through the underground, or wander aimlessly caressing each others palms over bridges, should be put down. Or at least fined heavily by Boris.

Take, for example, the Jubilee Bridge – for many the quickest route to Embankment station and the connection to their various tube lines – it may be the quickest geographically (there aren’t any unknown contour lines after all), but due to this selfish gripping of claws that has contaminated our city, it isn’t the quickest in reality. On a bad day, it would be quicker to whack on a wet-suit and take to the Thames.

‘Ah, she obviously doesn’t have a boyfriend,’ I can hear you say. Yes, it’s true – I don’t. Perhaps I am immune to the heartwarming sensations you are rewarded with for grasping your lovers hand – ‘perhaps if I did have a boyfriend I would understand’, you think?

No, I wouldn’t. There is a difference between PDA  (Public Display of Affection) and the blockading of commuting passages with the interlocking of paws. Not that PDA isn’t rather vomit-worthy – first thing in the morning you don’t really want to see someones salivary amylase oozing from their mouth into their girlfriend/boyfriends, do you? The canoodling in the corners of the cabins, the bum pinches and the high-pitched giggles – yes, we can see you – you’re obviously head-over-heels in love, well done.

But I put up with it, because be that it has made me feel nauseous, it hasn’t made me late.

If you insist upon holding hands, do it considerately – go and sit on a bench.


6 thoughts on “Hand-Holding Commuters

  1. is this satire/irony or something? I just moved from London after 12 looooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng years.. try it, its for the best. Back to hand-holding.. er.. hmm.. depends on the age of the people for me.. though there’s something reassuring and more romantic about people over 40 holding hands.. ah, right, you meant its inconvenient cos they take up space when you’re rushing around Londoom? Ok. You wont beat the city or the people in it. I tried too. Best get up earlier then.

    1. Thank you for your comment thetalkinghangover,

      Over 70 I’ll allow – and only if they have walking impediments and it’s for support. Really they should not be out at that time anyway though.

      There is enough to stress about in the morning without having to take lovebirds or grave-dodgers into consideration.

      Leaving after 12 years in London – you must be getting withdrawal? I’ve just moved in and (apart from the commute) LOVE it (see I am capable of the emotion!)

      1. Relief not withdrawal… a deep long luxurious relief akin to the type of your first beer when you reach your travel destination and you sit down at the local bar in the heat.. preferably somewhere in southern europe.. that kind of relief. 12 years was long enough! Great city but i couldnt live there again.
        ok ok.
        Hope it keeps the levels of love for you.

  2. Minimum speed limit should apply, fine the lot of them. Along with those who exit the tube carriage and pause just in front of the doorway to look left and right before proceeding.

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