Thick, stiff and long I put it to my mouth. The taut skin warms my lips, I cannot take it any longer – I have to have it. I bite.
It catches me off guard and shoots something hard into the back of my throat. Rich and creamy, globules of it stick behind my teeth. I run my tongue across them – none of this is going to waste.
That was the first time I bit into a Käsekrainer.
The Käsekrainer is a German sausage with a molten cheese centre. I was in Leeds at the annual German Market. My friend experienced the ejaculatory sausage at the same time – she felt like, I quote, it had ‘violated’ her.
Me, I loved it. I haven’t stopped hunting them down since. Which is part of the reason why I love this season – Christmas is a sausage-fest. And in the wise words of my good friend Flash: “There’s nothing like a good sausage.”
So, as you can imagine, when I received an invitation last week to join my friends Jamie, Ben and Mathilda at new restaurant sensation ‘Bubbledogs,’ I jumped at the chance.
Last night was the night. Arriving at Goodge Street station to the slight pitter patter of rain, I took a right and trotted down to Charlotte Street. My three companions were already in the queue (I’d arrived at 6.45pm – they’d been there since 6 pm), but the popularity of this spot meant that a further 30 minute wait was ahead of us.
Two beers and a Ribena later, we finally made it in. Small, rustic and intimate, Bubbledogs felt like an apres-ski bar. Perched on stools, we flicked through the clip-board menu and deliberated.
What was nice about this was that we weren’t rushed. Money was queuing up outside, but they didn’t push for the covers. Once you were in, you were entitled to a proper dining experience – a relaxing night out.
The ‘dogs’ were on the last page of the menu and the choice wasn’t extensive. Especially compared to the ‘bubbles’ who took up the other six pages.
Unfortunately, not for want of looking, there was no ejaculatory sausage. So I went for a pork ‘sloppy joe,’ (as did Ben). Tilda went for a pork ‘JOSÉ’ and Jamie for a pork ‘Buffalo dog.’ We also ordered all the sides (sweet potato fries, tots (mini hash browns), coleslaw and molten cheese) and washed it down with a fantastic bottle of pink champers.
Tasting rather like a Frankfurter, the ‘dog’ wasn’t on a par with the dreamy Käsekrainer – it all tasted a bit reconstituted and plastic. I misinterpreted ‘chilli’ to mean jalapenos and was rather surprised to find a good old dousing of Bolognese lathered on top. On reflection, that was rather foolish – it was called a ‘sloppy’ after all.
The food wasn’t bad by any means, it just wasn’t exceptional – which after waiting for an hour and a half – you do expect. But whatever qualms I had with the food were amended by the champagne (delightful) -and the setting – and of course the company.
Bubbledogs is a great idea. It offers a relaxed night out and the combination of ‘bubbles’ and ‘dogs’ is surprisingly enjoyable – but this is all once you’ve got in. I would suggest going, but would advise getting a group of six together and making a reservation as waiting outside in the rain for an hour and a half cannot help but put a dampener on things.
Food: ** Champagne: **** Experience: ****
70 CHARLOTTE ST, LONDON W1T 4QG INFO@BUBBLEDOGS.CO.UK