In a recent interview rising comedic sensation Trevor Noah said of England: “Why would anybody live here, if you have a choice?”
Normally when someone insults your homeland, out of hibernation leaps your patriotism, it’s a knee-jerk reaction, you can’t help it. “Who does this man think he is? Not want to live in England? What about South Africa, that’s a better question, who would want to live there? Stop at traffic lights and your arm has been chopped off for your watch.”
As I said, this is the normal reaction. However, I have to say when I read Noah’s comment this morning in the Telegraph as I looked out over the sludgy ground and watched the clouds start to excrete drab little excuses for snowflakes, I did wonder if I had the choice would I choose to settle here?
I loathe winter. The excitement over getting your whole family together for a communal binge which is, without exception, in my household always topped off with and argument or two, well it’s lost on me. I hate the cold, I hate the dark, I hate never feeling warm enough no matter how many layers you put on, I hate having to slap on at least two layers of foundation and two minutes worth of bronzer to look alive. All of the above convince me that I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Winter for me is a sad time.
In fact, so dire does my outlook on life become during these bitter months that I have come to think that it might be in my mental health’s best interests to move abroad. Perhaps to Australia? Sun, sport and an outdoors life – that’s what I want.
Don’t get me wrong, I love England and I love London – the energy, the culture, the hidden gems and exciting openings, but they are there in the summer too. I could do 7 months here and 5 months over there… Also, I am told that the economy is booming down under, perhaps pay for journalists is better? Well it can’t be worse.
Anyway, I suppose you are wondering how this blog is relevant to it’s title? Well the dream bit is self-explanatory – I dream of a life in fair weather, with open spaces and clear skies. Somewhere like this:
And the cocktails, well until that happens they are an essential coping mechanism. Suffering from SAD? Miserable with the weather? Drink through it.
But drink through with class. No necking bottles of Lambrini while watching Celebrity Big Brother and wondering how the hell Heidi Montag can balance with those gigantic mammary glands. No, hit up the foundation, dress to impress (and hide how you really feel) and head to an elegant bar with friends. Head to The Luggage Room –